if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
