Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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