If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
