so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize