You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
