Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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