Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
