I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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