remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
