she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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