So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
