Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
