I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The Olympian is in my bed
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
