so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
