I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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