Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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