Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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