So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
