so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
