I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
