You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
even my farts smell like vagina
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
