508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
