Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
