We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
