No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
