whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
organizing the empties. That sober.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
