i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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