Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize