I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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