your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
