I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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