I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
