Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize