Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
