Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
