idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
