can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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