I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize