So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize