so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This house was built for laser tag.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
