i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
