NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize