like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
