She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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