i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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