I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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