I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
