I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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