well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
