you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
