I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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