I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
