he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
