How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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