i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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