we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
