based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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