i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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