He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
