we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
