Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
