I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
