oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
do herpes really smell.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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