brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
