i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
