Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
