dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize