May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
